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Criticism is tough any way you spin it. But, it is to your advantage to turn it around and make it into a positive and useful key if you want to survive it. At first, this will seem marginal, because when attacked with criticism, especially personal, most humans make the initial mistake (reaction) of getting defensive and answering with a defensive remark. Sound familiar?
Criticism is a tough call, because most times we are too self enveloped to handle it objectively or just too sensitive to it. Does it take a very objective, hardened and rational individual to handle criticism? Sometimes, but anyone can practice handling criticism more effectively.
Think of a time when you were criticized on the spot, say by an employer, a parent, a friend, co-worker, or stranger. Think of what that person said and how you responded or reacted. What did you say? What did your body language have to say? Did you get cower or lower your head in response to this? I sure hope not. If you have done any of the above, you probably gave way to the power of criticism and possibly the power of the individual giving the criticism. If you’re giving more power to criticism than you should, you’re reacting negatively to the criticism. Therefore, you are seen as not being able to handle the criticism constructively or you’re just plain defensive or “on the defense” all of the time. Does this sound like the type of individual who is going to get a raise or learn and grow with ease? Probably not.
So, here are the tips to fighting the nasty cut of criticism: Try to remain as calm as possible when sensing an “onset” of criticim. Allow your body, eyes, stomach, hands, and chest to be smooth and collected. Do not tense up or get bristled before it’s delivered. The reason you have to be this calm, is when it is your turn to talk and accept the criticism or answer any questions regarding the criticism, you will look like a rational, cool-headed individual with a good head on your shoulders (if you’re calm). Next, try not to cut the person off with excuses or explanations right away. Hear the person out. You may want to start thinking of a couple of comments to back yourself up, but not defensive or inexcusable comments.
It is a good thing to remember to accept the persons’ viewpoint and thank them for what they have just told you. More often than not, the person (say a boss) is just doing their job and/or they want you to perform better. Also, you have to remember that you are the one benefitting from the insight of the criticism. Your boss talking to you is like you opening up a self help book and reading it, say for example. This is where the criticism can be grabbed and used to your own advantage! Use it--and use it effectively for your performance the next time around; it can only help you not hinder you. Even though it's masked as an ugly demon that is going to hold you back, it's not --it's really an angel in disguise!
On the other hand, if the criticism is something rather undeserved, say something like this to the person delivering the criticism, “I thank you for all of your advice and insight and I’ll follow what you have said. But, what you are saying sounds like the description of another individual and not myself. I thought I was doing the right things and I apologize. I will try to bring out more of my positive qualities in the future.”
These exact words do not have to be used, but you get the picture. Any really unfair criticism (most criticism seems unfair and undeserved), should be taken to a higher level if in a work situation. But, as for friends and family, the thing to remember is just to be honest with them and with yourself. I had read once in a book about criticism that if there is one little, minute “grain” of truth about it that pertains to you (and you know it) you should have an easier time accepting it. Just a grain. Just a grain. Believe me, that grain will make you feel better, as sometimes we cannot accept the smalllest “grains” of criticism.
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