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When you get pregnant and your body starts to change, your moods do obscure things and sad movies make you cry then you begin to get an inkling of what is in store for you as a parent. When your partner spends her nights throwing up in the bathroom (instead of drinking tequila slammers with you), she can’t fit into that sexy little red number you bought her for your last anniversary and her idea of a good time is staying awake past eight thirty then you begin to wonder what is in store for you as a parent, is life as you know it about to change? In a word, yes, profoundly. We all expect little changes when a baby is in the house, lack of sleep, seeing your partner parade her new humungous chest around and not in a sexual context either, another mouth to provide for and maybe the idea that nappies will now be added to the monthly grocery shopping cart. But there will be changes no one will tell you about, and that you would never expect.
Have you been scared of spiders in the past? Well the chances are good that one-day you will be seen to pick up a spider (to get it away from baby), and carry it outside, not just flush it down the toilet (because it isn’t nice to kill things). Scared of water or the sea, confirmed phobics have been known to venture into these places purely so as not to project their fears onto their little ones. In short life as you know it, and your partner as you know him or her are about to change irrevocably. Mom’s may begin to find that any news items relating to children being hurt in any way will scare her to death whereas in a previous life (LBB-Life before baby), it would have been sad but not something to make her weep copiously for over an hour. She may have had preconceived ideas on how to bring up her children, but she will find herself much more flexible and open to change. Children’s television becomes worthy of hours of intense critique, and any news items about schooling or education will be pored over and analyzed. Every emotion will be more intense, drunken drivers while always a danger in the past, are now the reason for hate campaigns, and sad movies are excuses to cry for hours about the state of the world. Shopping with your friends becomes a thing of the past unless it’s for groceries, where you can compare tartrazine levels and food additives, calories? Who cares about those anymore, as long as it won’t make your Childs intestines fall out then who cares what mom eats. You’ll join in more community efforts (neighborhood watch, clean the park, etc), and discover that you can go three days without sleep.
For dads, the changes are just as scary. The sense of responsibility will be enormous and at times you may want to just forget the whole thing and go back to being a carefree bachelor, of course in the next breath you will cancel squash or gold because you want to go home and see the baby. Your respect and love for your partner will be taken to a new depth and you relationship will mature, as will your relationship with your own parents. You get angry with speeding motorists and say things like “What would he have done if a child had run into the road?” You learn to take ten-minute naps, and call them sleep. You consider staying home to watch the children grow up while your partner goes out to work, and you complain when you are asked to work late.
As a couple your priorities will change. Things that seemed all important in your LBB will no longer matter as much. Having people round to your place for dinner or drinks will supercede going out with friends. Getting the latest model BMW will be replaced by the need for a really good Educational Fund, and staying late to prove your worth for the promotion at work will be a sad second place to getting home on time to bath the baby before bed. At times you will wonder why you chose this route. Babies can be extremely demanding and the strain on your relationship can be enormous especially when no-one is getting much sleep, the idea of sex is too exhausting to entertain and there is no ‘down’ time for the two of you. But the rewards that your baby will bring are enormous as well. The little smile at two in the morning when all you want is sleep, and the happy gurgle when you blow on his tummy will be worth more than any promotion at work. You will find that you will be a lot more in touch with your own childhood and as a result will grow as an adult, which is a good thing really, because you certainly won’t have any time to be taking self improvement courses for the next ten years.
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